Wednesday, July 16, 2003

 

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

When I was younger I wanted to be a lot of things. I wanted to be a nuclear physicst ('cause they were the apex of smart.) And then I wanted to be race car driver, and a mechanic. And then when I got into high school and was introduced to computers I knew I wanted to be a programmer. I knew it was going to happen, as sure as the sun rose I was sure I would be a programmer. This was in 1980 time frame. Then something happened...


I am not sure how to describe it, I think my future became important becuase it was no loger my future it was to be my present. I wondered what I could take in college to assure that I was married to a successful career woman drove a red car and had my first million by 30. Well Jeri is wonderful, but I think successful career woman falls a bit wide of the mark, my first million has eluded me thus far and I willbe 38 in September, but I do drive a maroon 1988 Buick Park Avenue, the hot rod will be a sorta yellow green (Jeri won't let me own a red hot rod, which is another story.) Anyway given my parents forced me into college I decided that I would get a liberal arts education and see where it takes me. So I studied european history, psychology and german for 4 years, even spent a year abroad. And except for writing papers I stayed away from computers for the most part. They did not seem like much at the time, the explosion had not yet happened and so I ignored them.


And then I was done with school and I didn't know what to do. I did odd jobs for a while, I think 1987-8 could compare favorably for right now as far as economy goes. But I was unfulfilled for some reason. I knew somehow that my mark on the world would NOT be made by flipping burgers, digging ditches, or working as a salesman. For a while Jeri pushed me to get a job as a landscaper at the U of A, they had a great benefits package and all. But it did not feel right to me. I had been cast adrift. School is easy, the basic framework is there, as long as you take the classes pay the money and fill out the paperwork things are OK. But then one day you are done. You stop going and have to do something, liberal arts sucks in terms of post graduation prospects, but I feel it isn't supposed to make you more employable, but a well rounded individual. Suddenly the treadmill was off, and I had to choose what I wanted to become.


When I moved to Arizona to be with Jeri I had some nebulous plans. None of them I thought I would continue my education, it didn't happen due to residency requirements. So I did odd jobs. I ended up selling computers over christmas. I was hired in September or so got to help open a computer store and worked over an XMas season. We sold Apple computers. CompuPro was the place. I thought I had found my niche. I was in heaven. And then I lost the job. I think they hired too many people and someone had to go, but in all fairness to them I think I also sucked at sales. But I was devasated. I did not know what had happened. I don't know why it had happened, I should have seen the signs, it was obvious in retrospect but...


One of the best things about working there was I got to meet Tom Rees. Tom was interesting. He had worked sales, and had worked for airlines and had been a grad student where computers were used. He reminded me what I found so facinating about computers. When I left CompuPro (fired no less) it was kinda difficult to find work. So I worked for a temp agency. I dug ditches. Lotsa ditches. Jeri would get up with me and drive me to my job in Jan in Arizona to be there at 7:00 so I could dig my ditches. And could come pick me up at about 3:00 and we would eat and I would fall asleep from exhaustion at about 6:00 with our kitty on my chest until about 10 when Jeri would wake me up and get me to go to bed. I did this for a little bit and I realized that I was not happy with the way things were going.


So for two weeks I gave all my attention to my career. I had learned some lessons. But I wasn't happy. I read the want ads every day, we lived around the corner from a public library and I went there almost daily to read books on resumes and job searches. I looked back at my education and what I liked about it and how I could apply it. I also looked at big employers in Tucson to see if perhaps they would hire me and put me on a track.


Slowly in my head a single crystal formed. Computer Programming. I knew I would do it when I was in High School. I like computers I was good with them I knew how to program them, and as soon as I decided that it took very little work to make my resume read like I knew what the hell I was doing and after digging ditches for a month or so I had a job. I had told the people at the job site I was on I was leaving for an office job and they called to tell the Temp Agency. When I picked up my last check the chick there was suprised I didn't come to ask for a new job but that I really had an office job.


So why am I thinking about this now... I have been doing the same thing. I love to program. I really do, and I am really good at it. I can solve most problems thrown my way, and I can help guide others through their problems. I am that guy lots of people go to solve their problems. And even if I don't know the answer I know how to bullshit long enough to find the answer and give it to you.


But as I look at the state of the computer industry I wonder how long these jobs will last. It is odd, I have been telling people I can do my work from anywhere. And I think managment gets it and has decided that if I could do my job from Tucson they could get someone from India to do it for even less than me living in Tucson. Which was not exaclty what I wanted to see.And then I look at me. I have risen to the top tech heap. I make a lot of money solving technology problems. Someone comes to me and says I need to do X. I listen patiently ask a few questions, look at what is available and then put up a screen while I plumb a bit and viola, the solution emerges.


And the level I operate is cool in that respect. I know a lot because I have done this for a while. Other talented people come to me and ask questions and I can see things they can't. It is cool I have become the guys I most admired. But the question lingers now what.. When I stared looking for a job I needed something to support Jeri and I. Now I do that well, and I am sure I could be one of those 50 year old engineers who have seen it all and are so quick with answers they are wrong half the time, but they are so smart they make it seem like the wrong answer is really the right answer you just asked the wrong question. Or I could stretch and make the step into managment.


There are a lot of cons... Working with technology is cool and I will no longer have hands on responsibilities. There is nothing I hate more than some management weenie who doens't do technology any more telling me how to do my job. Of course I have to go into the office every day, and the dream of working from Tucson for a company in Chicago is pretty much dead. But there are some positives. I get to learn a lot of new things. My career is much more portable, and of course an opportunity for money.


I am mostly decided. It took a lot longer to decide this than it did to decide to do into computers, but I am ok with it. In fact I feel like I did when I was 22 and deciding computers would be a good way to spend the rest of my career. I will have to learn to use odd adjectives n such (like monotize, actuate, and authentify) but I am up to the task. Perhaps I will have my first million by the time I hit 50.
posted by Jerome 10:19 PM

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

 

So this is what single's life is like

Been another while... I am busy as all getout again. Not shocking really I guess this is the state I am most comfortable with. A lot of work to do and enjoying doing it. It must be this way becuase the more I think about it the more I realize that when I have nothing to do is the rare thing in my life and surely if I wanted to do less I could arrange that.


Our yard which we paid most of Motorola severence for is absolutely gorgeous. The purple catmint flowers help to highlite the orange roses in that bed. The prarie plants are growing and are gonna be great, everything survived and is thriving birds and other animals are taking advantage of the plants for cover or nesting material or food I must say I could not be happier.


The height of my joy however has been cut quite low by the fact that since May 5th Jeri has been in So Cal with her mom. She hasn't left me... yet. Actually it is a lot less worse than it sounds. Her mom suffered what she thought was a heart attack, after a week of extensive tests and moneyectimies it was determined that she had suffered a severe panic attack and that the time had come for her to cash in on a life time of helping her kids out.


Jeri's Mom moved to Hemet in '86 or so and from the moment the furniture hit the floor in her new house she hit the thrift stores in search of bargins. She would call us regularly and regale us with some tale of a wonderful find of "hotel towels" for 5 cents a piece. Jeri and I thought nothing of it at the time. After all the well known law of what goes up must come down never really struck us. Until this year that is.


Jeri's mom had more linen than most hotels. She had enough frying pans to start 5 resturants, and don't even get me started on the plastic butter-ette tubs. Geeze... Anyway Jeri went to help make sense of this pressing issue. And mangaged in a few short weeks to get rid of 15 years of thrift store shopping. Go Jeri. Now she is taking mom and her car to VA to be with the rst of the family.


Which puts me in a spot I have never been in. I am unattached and not poor. Jeri and I hooked up when neither of us had anything. I mean going to a movie once a month was a budged buster. We spent < 25 dollars a week on groceries, and gave ourselves 5 dollars a month in "Mad Money" to spend on whatever we wanted. Keep in mind this isn't 1962 it was 1989. So with Jeri safely out of the way I have been going out to eat with friends and other social events that cost money (of the two of us Jeri is much less social than I am.) It has been fun, although this weekend I hit a low point and was depressed the entire time becuase it just wasn't fair that Jeri was not here.


We call each other each day which helps. But I am done being the social butterfly, Jeri you can com back home now.
posted by Jerome 9:59 PM

Saturday, April 19, 2003

 

Ingore the spelling errers.

I got a call from my mom today, she was feeling kinda blue... Well put upon really, and she asked me if I had any memories of any good things that she did. Now I need to say that I have harbored some rather unkind feelings towards my mom for a long time. Why isn't important, I think we can leave it by saying it is hard to believe that any teenager makes it to adulthood, it is even more difficult for me to imagine I made it. I love both my parents and while I am forever uspset they were NOT billionaires, both the good times and bad ones have mostly faded and left me a reasonably well balanced individual.


Anyway, the question took me aback, I laughed at first and realized she was serious. And I racked my brain and I realized that I had blocked a lot of the good things she had done, I had stuffed them behind the bad things she did. Please bear in mind my mom did not wrap me in duct tape and force me to spend my evenings in a spider infested closet. It wasn't like that, and I am sure the issues I have with my mom pale in comparison to other much worse issues people have had, but hey, they it's my baggage I can fill it with anything I like. Anyway, as I talked to her I realized that she did stick up for me on a number of occasions. She took my side on some issues that were important to me. And when we did "family" stuff by in large she was the reason it happened. So it wsn't all bad.


She also realized I absolutely SUCKED at spelling, I mean suck like I suck at putting the toilet seat down and making sure the garbage gets out on Thursday night. In Jr. High she forced me to have a spelling test each week. I hated it I really did, but in retrospect it helped some. It at least proved to me that if I applied myself I would be an OK speller. But lately with all the work I have been doing and the fact that Opera makes this little box so freaking small.. Well... lets just say it has been a problem. But since I write this for me not you I won't fix it.


Anyway, the work saga continues. We released into PreProd this Friday and I will be dang nabbed if it didn't work. We started at about 2 and every possible thing that could go wrong with our release did. The Release Engineer did not have the proper access on the machine, the release jobs were copying to the wrong directories, the supporting software we use had the wrong versions, I forgot a props file in my release files, and finally at about 5:30 when everyone wants to go home we realize we don't have firewall port open. On the up side I kept notes so when we go into production it should all be smooth sailing. Or not.


At home, the patio took some rain so we can sweep it off now, the entire yard looks great, people driving down the street stop and back up and point. Granted the windows are up so I can't tell if they are laughing or if they like what we did, or if they are the block captians who are gettin set to inform us which landscaping statuates we violated, but it is nice to be noticed.


Jeri has also convinced me to buy a car. So we went out looking at them today. I found what we are going to buy, it isn't a Beetle we decided in the end. But we took it for a drive and now I need to start sending out faxes to every car dealer within about 100 miles of here to get a quote. I hate buying cars. I think I buy POS's becuase I don't want to deal with car sales people. My way I deal with people who have a car that is causing them more problem than they think it is worth. I get a car with some problems but less than the other car I am driving everyone is happy.


Anyway I decided my plan for my car is to fax what I want to every dealer in a 100 mile radius and collect quotes. I will then take the top quote and sent it to the top other dealers and make them compete with each other (screw the interent.) I hope I can get a good deal this way, I will let you know.

posted by Jerome 8:18 PM

Monday, April 14, 2003

 
Geeze where the hell does the time go... Lesseee a mess of time has passed.

The Authentication Framework goes into PreProd at the end of the week, PreProd in our world is "Gold" in the shrinkwrap world. In essense it is going into our final staging environment and barring any configuration issue it will ship from there. Nice thing about working on web based services is that deadlines are sloppier and versions mean a lot less. At Motorola it cost a boat load of money to ship a point release on the web we just put up a banner on a friday evening and release the new software. I will be glad to get back to 40 hour worrk weeks.

Spring has come which means I got to finish the landscape which is sweet, we got my Oak Tree, which leads me into time. It seems that a lot of sorrow has entered my life lately.

My grandfather passed and with each day grandma looks less willing to live. While at grandpas funeral I talked with a second cousin and was made painfully aware that we now fill the roll of my parents at family reunions.

We have the kids who are not yet adults we drink too much beer, talk about work and play sheepshead long into the night. We have stress releated problems and wonder what things will be like when we retire. Our parents are the older generation all retired and enjoying the grandchildren. Pretty heady. Really I don't know how it happened but I am middle aged.

Anyway my second cousing Tommy died last week. He had just quit a sales job that he held for 20 years and start to train as an apprentice electrician. He was estatic about this, he got to work all over the city of Green Bay including the new Lambeau Field. He loved it he was doing something new and it invigorated him.

He gained like 20 lbs in one day and went to the doctor and they drained an incredible amount of fluid from chest cavity. He was eager to go back to work and was told he would probably never get to do that again and within a few day she was dead. He left behind two almost adult boys and a wife and a loving family. He was well liked though I personally have NEVER seen so many people at a funeral home in my life. Not bad for a kid who liked to listen to Heavy Metal before Hair Bands made it cool and smoke a little pot.

And course Jeri's mom is getting pretty disoriented. So we need to go out and visit her to make sure she is OK. Jeri is beside herself with worry but cannot get herself to help. I did finally realize that her obsession with the cats really was her very far reaching attempt to not have to deal with this very issue.

This started with my new Oak Tree. I had a neigbor muse aloud as it was being installed of the uslessness of an Oak Tree. I would never see it mature into the mighty oak it will become. We were careful to plant it in such away that it can reach it's full maturity without ever causing the house too much trouble, the driveway may pose a problem, but we should have flying cars by then. And I got to thinking my life is way too short. I am almost half way through it now. And when they Oak tree is my age now it will be just hitting adulthood. It reassures me, what's more it makes me happy. I think most people get to feeling like this when they have kids, I never had any so I guess you could call me a late bloomer.
posted by Jerome 9:33 PM

Tuesday, March 04, 2003

 
Plenty to do today... Inching ever closer to putting the Authentication Framework into our testing environment. I hope by tomorrow we are good to go. Spotted bugs in the delegated admin piece. Wooo hooo.
posted by Jerome 9:25 PM

Saturday, March 01, 2003

 
Zip... I have been always been innately aware of how little time we have on this earth. I am always appalled by people who say, "Man I wish it was next week." Or long for some day in the far future when they will no longer be in their current sucky situation and in a much better one.

As I have gotten older my living situation has gotten incrementally better. I earn more money I am mor econfident and I think I enjoy myself more. But I have never wished that time would hurry up. I was talking with someone this week who was wishing just that, granted he was 13 or 14 years younger than me. But even at that time in my life when I thought this day would never arrive I did not rue my situation but I looked for ways to enjoy it. We all die before we know it and I believe that once you are gone you are gone, one shot is all you have and you should enjoy it as much as you possibly can.
posted by Jerome 5:24 PM

Monday, February 24, 2003

 
Gonna take a trip tomorrow. Gotta go to Charlotte (I have been summoned.) This kind of shit ONLY happens when you have too much to do, a bunch of bozo's at the "home" office noitce what you are doing and decide that since their sitting on their ass is too important to innterupt that you should stop what ever YOU are doing and go see them and educate them on what exactly it is you do.

I just wonder why I have tonnes of supporting documentation if they people that need to read it can't be bothered. Geeze.
posted by Jerome 10:46 PM